I recently had the great pleasure of attending the CSA ( Canadian Stuttering Association) annual conference for the first time in early November. I had always wanted to attend an international conference, and this was held in Montréal, Québec. As this was less than a four hour drive from New York, a friend and I jumped at the chance to attend.
It was a joint conference with the ABC (Association bégaiement communication) which is the French speaking arm of Canadian stuttering associations. It meant that there were workshops in both English and French, which was richly inclusive to all.
I absolutely loved the conference. There were about 150 people in attendance, which opened the door to get to know people much better than in situations where there are large groups of people. I am used to attending the annual NSA (National Stuttering Association) conferences, which often attract 600-800 people and sometimes you don’t even see people who you might like to catch up with.
Workshops
The Workshops were fantastic, providing something for everyone. I especially enjoyed the sessions on Disclosure, Latest Research on Brain Differences, and Authenticity.
My friend Nicole did a workshop on stuttering and grief, which gave people a different lens with which to view stuttering. She encouraged us to look at how we felt about perhaps having given up some of our dreams and maybe grieving those losses. But then we looked at how stuttering has made us better at some things than others, like listening, empathy, and deliberate communication.
I did a workshop on recovering from the shame many of us deal with stuttering, titled “Shouldn’t I Be Over This Shame Thing By Now?” I focused on what if we’ve worked hard to accept our stuttering and we feel confident and self aware, but suddenly something happens, and shame creeps back in and you’re floored by it. What do you do? How do you handle it? The discussion turned into talking about what if you’ve never been able to let go of shame. What if shame consumes your every moment? Shame about stuttering is something every person who stutters deals with at some point in their journey, and we learned it may never go away.
I shared an example of when I was at a medical appointment and called in by a nurse to get vitals and weight. As she asked me to confirm my date of birth, I stuttered on the first number - “ta-ta-ta-12” and she made a smirk and a slight giggle sound. I then proceeded with the next number - “th-th-th-13” and she laughed.” I asked what was she laughing at and she said she wasn’t laughing, and I said, “yes, you are, you laughed when I spoke”, and as I proceeded to complete my year of birth, she laughed again, and I stopped, and she said, “It’s not a trick question!” I said, “Stop, what you are hearing is stuttering, I stutter, that’s it, I just stutter, and it’s not cool to laugh at someone who stutters.” Somehow I made it through the rest of the appointment and when I finished I went to my car and sat and just cried, because I thought I was past all this. What if that had been a teenage girl, who had not been as far on her journey as I was? I had to do something.
Two days later, I called the HR department of the medical practice where my primary doctor and the nurse worked and explained what happened. To make a long story short, I worked with the practice HR and DEI team and we created a 6 minute training video on hidden disabilities that all new hires have to watch, and stuttering is front and center in the video. Health care professionals get no formal training on stuttering, so my unfortunate experience was turned into an educational experience for many, of which I am so proud.
Networking over food and entertainment
Another aspect of the CSA/ABC conference that I really enjoyed was that most meals were included and everyone ate together. That is a perfect way to meet people in a friendly, low stress environment and actually get the chance to mingle and talk.
There was dinner and dancing planned for Saturday night and after dinner there was entertainment planned. Several people participated - reading poetry, singing beautifully and playing the piano. It was so wonderful with so many talented people. I wasn’t sure if this had been pre-planned or not, but I felt I wanted to share the poem I wrote 5 years ago that I performed in a Stutter Slam at a NSA Conference. I tapped Eeva on the shoulder, quite out of the blue, as she was in the process of lining up next performers, and asked if I could share my poem. Of course she said yes, and I went next. I was thrilled to perform my poem to another audience.
Our voices matter
There were final words and a closing open mic session on Sunday afternoon. Announcements were made both in English and French, again that nod to inclusiveness.
I met a lot of first time attendees and thought what a great experience to step into the stuttering community in a smaller setting. Many first timers came up and spoke at the final open mic session, which I found so inspiring. I remember my first stuttering conference in 2006. I felt too afraid to go and speak at an Open Mic.
The CSA’s motto is “Our Voices Matter” and I came away from the conference experience definitely feeling like that. Plus, it didn’t hurt that I saw friends that I hadn’t seen in quite a few years.
This was my first international conference and I am so glad I went. I felt loved, welcomed and included, both as an attendee and presenter. I hope I find my way to attend another conference in Canada. My soul was nourished and I still feel the warm embrace I felt that whole weekend.