Breaking Free, One Word at a Time

Author
David Liu
Categories
May 30, 2021
David Liu
David Liu
It was the first day of high school. My new classmates were going around the room introducing themselves, but all I could hear were my frantic thoughts and hammering heartbeat. How many more people are going to speak before me?What if I stutter again? Before I knew it, it was my turn to speak. “Hi, I’m D-d-d-d.” I contorted my face as I tried to say my name, but the words wouldn’t come out no matter how desperately I tried. When I finally managed to utter, “David,” I gasped and felt the blood rush to my cheeks. In horror, I looked around the room to see some of my classmates snickering; others simply looked confused, staring at me and unsure how to react.

The Start of Social Anxiety

I have had a stutter for as long as I could remember. My friends in middle school were accepting and supportive, but things changed on that first day of high school. For the first time, I felt ashamed of my stutter. From that point on, every time I met someone new, answered a question in class, or read aloud, I told myself that I must not stutter. It dominated my thoughts, the worry and anxiety overwhelming almost every aspect of my life. I felt hopeless.

I told myself I must not stutter, it dominated my thoughtsAt some point, I could no longer bear the anxiety. I wanted to be freed from my stutter, which I saw as a defect in my speech, and I felt I could not do it alone. I decided to join a stuttering support group, where Robert Wellington, one of the long-time members of the group, shared with me the technique he used to overcome his stutter: deliberate stuttering. He explained that stuttering is like quicksand -- the more you struggle, the more you sink. I was locked in vocal tension, sinking deeper until only my head was afloat. To break free, I had to stop struggling. I had to stop hiding my stutter.

The Challenge of Public Speaking

I trained myself to get comfortable with the uncomfortableSo, I pushed myself into public speaking. I gathered the courage to join DECA, a business competition where I presented my solution to a real-world scenario in front of a judge. I took the opportunity to speak to hundreds of parents and eighth-grade students about my school’s STEM program. Every step of the way, there was struggle and fear, but I practiced reading aloud every morning, identifying parts of my speech pattern I wanted to improve. In the end, I pushed through every time, and each success made me more confident in my speech, regardless of the stuttering. One word at a time, I trained myself to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, rewiring my brain to believe it was okay to stutter.

The Freedom of Disclosure

My stutter is a part of who I amI am now seventeen years old. I still stutter, but I have stopped resisting it. I can now speak freely about it to my family and friends. I realize my stutter is not a flaw in who I am, but a part of who I am. I have become more optimistic after witnessing my greatest struggle become a source of strength. I embrace diversity because I have accepted my stutter as a part of what makes me different and unique. I welcome challenges because I have seen how my stutter has helped me grow. It has shaped me in more ways than one.

Going forward, I will continue my involvement in various support groups. Whether someone has OCD, Tourette’s, or stuttering, everyone is bound by our common struggle of self-acceptance. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to embrace their differences and pursue their aspirations. Recently, I met a peer who also stutters and even inspired him to join DECA by sharing my own experiences.

I have accepted my stutter, and that renders it powerless. Fear is a stutterer’s self-imposed prison, and I have broken free.


David Liu lives in Markham, Ontario. This fall he is headed to Western University to start a new chapter in his life.
Last updated: January 3, 2022